...That's When It's Time to Duck

Mal, Zoë, and Jayne walked up to Serenity's cargo bay, the blast doors opening to reveal Kaylee. As they entered the cargo bay, Zoë and Jayne got to storing the cargo.

Kaylee hit the button to close the blast doors. "What happened?" she asked, a worried look on her face.

Mal hit the comm button, "Take us out of here, little albatross." Serenity started to take off as he turned back to Kaylee. He opened the right flap of his coat, revealing a bullet hole, the bullet narrowly missing his leg. "There was shootin'."

"I don't understand, Cap'n. Thought this was supposed to be an easy pick-up."

"They're all supposed to be easy pick-ups. Never are. Third party got involved and created us a messy situation."

Zoë and Jayne finished storing the cargo and walked back over to Mal and Kaylee. "Cargo stored, sir," Zoë said.

As Kaylee turned to look at Zoë, she saw blood trailing down her arm. "Zoë, you're hurt."

"Lucky it's all she got," Jayne muttered.

Mal silenced Jayne with a glare. "We all got jobs on this boat. Ain't paying you to stand around."

"I'll make sure Simon has the lab prepped," Kaylee said softly as she left the bay, Jayne following her.

As Zoë stared to leave, Mal stopped her, "Could've been prevented ya know."

Zoë turned to face him, "What's that, sir?"

"That whole fight. It didn't have to happen. You pulled your gun first. You wanted a fight." Mal paused. "You wanted to step into the line of fire."

"Wouldn't do that, sir. Just trying to do my job."

"Last time I checked, your job didn't entail gettin' yourself killed." Mal paused, and it was clear this conversation was hard for him. "Are you with me, Zoë?"

"Till the end, sir."

"Question is, is the end gonna come sooner than it's supposed to."

Zoë didn't respond but continued to look ahead, to look past the Captain.

"Go get your arm fixed. While you're there, talk to the doc about how much you're eatin' and sleepin'."

"Sir, I don't think that..."

"That's an order."

"Yes, sir."

Mal watched as Zoë left the bay, heading towards the infirmary. Mal sighed, a look of worry, sorrow, and guilt on his face. He'd never seen Zoë like this, not even during the war. Of course, she'd never lost this much before. She'd never had this much to lose.

He couldn't help but blame himself for Wash's death. It was his plan that had gotten him killed. The look on Zoë's face as the harpoon slammed into her husband's chest was forever burned into his brain. He saw part of her die that day. What was left of her wanted to die, too.
--------------------


Zoë entered the infirmary silently, Simon not even noticing that she had entered the room. He almost jumped when he turned around and saw her there. "Oh, Zoë, I uh, didn't see you come in."

She didn't reply but, instead, rolled up her sleeve so Simon could fix her arm. He walked over to her and examined her arm. He muttered to himself, "Bullet went clean through...Just need to clean it up and bandage it."

Zoë still didn't reply, staring off into space as he cleaned and wrapped her arm. He broke the silence by asking, "How are you sleeping?"

She didn't look at Simon, but said, "Captain spoke to you."

"He just wants to make sure you're all right." Simon didn't mention that Mal was also worried about her mental state.

"I didn't realize that I needed an entire crew of people to manage how much I sleep."

"It's not that. Everyone just cares about you, that's all."

"Then I wish they would stop."

Simon sighed as he walked over to a drawer and pulled out a bottle of pills. He walked over to Zoë, took out two pills, and handed them to her. "Take these before you go to bed tonight. Then come talk to me in the morning, tell me how they worked for you. Oh, and, uh, try to eat something before you take them."

As Simon turned to clean up the infirmary, Zoë slid the pills onto a tray and then left the room.
------------------------

Mal headed towards the cockpit to relieve River for the night. She stood up and he slid into the pilot's seat. As he took over the controls, he realized she was still standing there. "Something on your mind, little one?"

River sat down in the co-pilot's seat, curling up into a ball. "You're worried."

A small smile came over Mal's face. "I have a stressful job. Captain-y things and such."

"That's not what you're worried about. Clock ticks by and you wonder. Why do you wonder? You know."

"You ain't crazy no more. Talk normal." Mal did realize that was she said was talking pretty normal for her. The girl was just too gorram smart for her own good.

"She doesn't sleep," River said softly.

"Your brother gave her something to help her with that."

"She didn't take the pills."

Mal knew she wouldn't. Zoë never wanted help, never thought she needed it. And as time went by...well, she was getting harder and harder to reach.

"He's gone," River said.

"I thought stating the obvious was Jayne's job."

"Even after he died, he was here. Part of Serenity. But she gradually found each piece of him and made those pieces disappear. Seeing him everywhere hurt her too much. But not seeing him at all...it's killing her. She denies...no room to let go. Not yet."

River spoke in riddles and it scared Mal that he was starting to understand her. She stood up, her bare feet making no sound as she glided across the cockpit floor. Mal's words stopped her from leaving the room. "Anyone asks, I had to explain the situation to you."

River smiled, "No one would believe that." She then turned and left. Mal sat in silence, the stars his only company as he thought about what River had said. All traces of Wash on the ship were now gone. All of his clothes had been given to the needy on some rock, his dinosaurs given to the children there. Any vid captures had been hidden away in drawers and boxes. Sentimental things, such as his pilot's license and things from his childhood, were sent to his family. The spirit of Wash had been pushed out of Serenity.
------------------------


Mal stood on the bridge, the little albatross back in the pilot's seat. He picked up the comm unit and said, "We'll be arriving on Persephone within the hour. Should be about 9:00 in the AM. Not a long visit. Pick up supplies and post---get in, get out. We got cargo to get rid of on another rock." He hung up the comm unit and headed to the kitchen.

He arrived in the kitchen and saw Simon and Zoë at the table and Inara over at the counter making a cup of tea. Simon gave him a look and he glanced over at Zoë. She had a full plate of food in front of her and she hadn't even touched it.

He slid the fingers of his right hand down one of his suspender straps. "Food looks good. That can only mean one thing--you cookin' for us again, Inara?"

Inara smiled at him, one of her dark brown curls coming close to falling in front of her face. "I received a box of fresh fruit from a client. I thought it might help make a nice breakfast."

Mal bit back a comment about her client. He found himself doing that a lot lately. Pity, too; it had been a funny one. Instead, he said, "Well, wait until little Kaylee sees those strawberries. Her face is gonna light up...and then she'll appear uncomfortably erotic."

Zoë suddenly slid her chair back, standing up and heading towards the door. Mal almost put his hand on her shoulder to stop her, but thought better of it. Didn't need any broken fingers. Instead, he said, "Gonna be ready to leave, Zoë?"

She turned to face him, "Didn't know it was required, sir."

"It isn't. Just thought you might want to get off the ship for something other than a job."

"Plenty to do around here." That being said, she left the kitchen. Mal didn't even bother to turn and face Simon and Inara. He didn't need to see the expressions on their faces. They were all thinking the same thing.
-----------------------

Zoë sat at the kitchen table, her guns laid out in front of her. As she shined her sawed-off, she was grateful for the silence that had settled in through out the ship. She was grateful for the lack of pitiful stares, the tip-toeing around her, the constant questions. If not for this relief, she was sure her head would have exploded.

“I’m a leaf on the wind, watch---”

She blinked rapidly, polishing the gun harder and faster.

“I’m a leaf on the wind, watch---”

She shook her head, trying to drive the image of her husband being impaled by the harpoon from her mind. She felt bile rise up in the back of her throat. His face. Wash’s beautiful face horror-stricken as he realized he was dying. His body slumped forward in his blood-soaked flight suit...

Zoë swallowed hard. She wasn’t going to do this. She vowed never to do this. She wasn’t going to break down, she was going to keep moving...keep working...

Thoughts of Wash continued to flood her mind. Did he feel a lot of pain? He must have... Was he afraid? Living one moment...dying the next. Did he regret taking this job? Did he worry about leaving her behind? Did he know how much she loved him, above everything else?

Zoë stopped polishing the gun and stared down at it. She missed him. Was she breathing? She wasn’t sure she could anymore. Maybe she didn’t need to breathe. She was dead anyway. She was in the ground, her heart slowly decaying as she held his slowly decaying hand.

She continued to stare down at the gun. One bullet. That’s all it would take. They would be together and she would be complete again. Just one bullet. She started to lift up the gun...

“I love my wife.”

“Here lies my beloved Zoë, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now that she’s all corpse-ified and gross...”

“Maybe a naked beach.”

“We’ll be in our bunk.”

“You with the bathing, me with the watching you bathe...”

“Work, work, work...”

The sound of footsteps behind her made her spin around, her gun now pointed at the intruder.

"Think you could point that somewhere else? Get shot at enough as it is." Mal stood at the entrance to the kitchen.

Zoë quietly put the gun back on the table. "Sorry, sir. Didn't know you were back."

"Ah, that's okay. Wasn't the first time you aimed your gun at my head, probably won't be the last." She didn't respond, so he continued. "Didn't mean to interrupt. Just wanted to give you this." Mal set a package down on the table. Zoë slowly slid it over in front of her and opened it. She gasped when she saw what was inside the box: a tiny flight suit. There was a note attached to it that said: I'm ready when you are.

Mal spoke softly, "Wash saw it in a store before he---. He had it shipped to you...he wanted to surprise you. Never saw him so excited...didn't think he'd be able to keep it a secret..." He swallowed. "So I'll let you get back to..." He cut himself off and left the room.

Zoë took the tiny suit out of the box with gentle hands, a sigh escaping from her lips. All of the feelings she had been fighting were suddenly unavoidable. She pressed the flight suit to her chest as she started to cry. A soft cry that became louder and louder until she was suddenly sobbing. She cried for her husband. She cried for the child they would never have. And she cried for herself.

As Mal walked away, he heard the sobs coming from the kitchen. As much as he wanted to turn around and be there for his first mate, he knew she needed to do this alone. She needed to grieve. And he was grateful for Wash, grateful that he was still taking care of his wife, even in death.

"I am a leaf on the wind, watch---" Zoë watched in horror as a wooden harpoon shot through the front window and into her husband's chest. She screamed his name and ran over to him, begging him to get up. And then time suddenly ...stopped. She had heard of people describing near-death experiences as their lives flashing before their eyes. Wash was dying, and her life with him was flashing before her eyes...

***********

"Zo," Wash called from his pilot seat, "could you come here for a minute?"

Zoë appeared moments later, the vest she had been wearing before gone, her hair down and framing her face. "What is it, Wash? I was just about to go to bed."

"Come sit down," Wash stood up and lead Zoë to his chair.

Zoë gave him a suspicious look, "...What's going on?" Wash wasn't one to share his chair unless there was downtime involved.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Okay..."

Wash took a deep breath and then began to talk, obviously fighting nervous feelings. "I know I'm not the most handsome man. Semi-muscular, sure, but not the most handsome. I know I have bizarre habits, like talking to dinosaurs and making random jokes at the worst times. And then there's you, this amazing warrior woman who could break me in half with her pinky. You're gorgeous and you're strong...and I love you."

Zoë smiled and spoke softly, " I love you, too."

Wash shook his head, "That just makes you even more amazing." He paused for a moment, his nervousness getting the best of him.

"You sit me down for a reason, Wash?" Her smile widened.

"Actually, I just wanted to be taller than you for once." Zoë nudged him with her foot. "Okay, okay." Wash got on one knee and took a slender strip of cord from his pocket. "I've never had a bond with anyone that compares to the bond I have with you. I want that bond to continue to grow. Zoë...will you marry me?"

This was the first and last time that Zoë would allow Wash to see tears in her eyes. She nodded, "Yes, I'd love to marry you." Wash began to tie the cord around her neck....

***********

Zoë could feel the warm, sticky blood rolling down her leg. She winced as Simon gave her a shot in her upper thigh. She shifted uncomfortably in the infirmary chair as Wash came rushing into the room.

"What in the tyen shiao duh happened?" Wash gently touched a cut on her face. She could feel his eyes glance over her wounds, focusing mostly on the bullet in her leg.

"Wash, I need room to work," Simon said, prompting Wash to move to the other side of her.

"Job went south. We were ambushed," Zoë explained.

Wash shook his head, "You can't keep doing this."

She raised her eyebrows, "Excuse me?"

He pulled a chair up and sat down, taking a hold of her hand as if to make sure she was still there. "You know what I mean, Zoë. This job isn't worth it. Every time you come back from a meeting, you've got bruises or bullet holes. I'm too young and handsome to be a widow." Despite these light words, it was obvious that Wash was dead serious.

"Baby, we've talked about this before. I did this job before you came along, and I'm gonna continue to do it."

"Can't you do something else?"

Zoë winced as Simon went about getting the bullet out of her. "Like what, dear?"

"I don't know... You could be in charge of buying and stocking goods. The Official Goods Buyer-Stocker...You could baby-sit the dinos...T-Rex is always getting into trouble..."

Zoë put her hands to her husband's face. "You know I gotta do this, Wash. ...I love my job. I'm a fighter like you're a pilot. Part of who we are."

Wash paused before speaking, "I know. And I understand. I just...don't like seeing my lambie-toes come home with holes in her. You can't blame me for that."

"And I don't. But you can't ask me to stop being a fighter any more than I can ask you to stop flying. But know this: I'll always come home to you. May get holes in me once in a while, but I'll mend. Just gotta have faith in me. ...Like I have faith in you and your abilities."

Wash kissed her on the forehead. "I do have faith in you, baby. I do." He then addressed Simon. "Hurry up, doc. Got some healin' of my own to do." Simon just rolled his eyes. Zoë laughed and kissed Wash on the cheek...

***********

Zoë suddenly sat up in the bed she shared with Wash. Her body had broken out in a cold sweat, her brown curls plastered to her forehead. Another nightmare. She'd had another nightmare about the war.

She silently slipped out of her bed and put on her robe. She tied her hair back and climbed the ladder up and out of their bunk.

Zoë headed to the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea. Images from her dream filled her mind, and she tried to push them away. She never regretted going to war, but she wasn't proud of a lot of her actions. These actions had come back to haunt her time and time again.

She heard footsteps come up behind her. She didn't even need to turn around. "I'm okay, Wash." He sat down in the chair next to her, slipping his hand in hers.

"Don't seem okay. You had another nightmare, didn't you?" he said softly.

Zoë didn't reply. There was no point, he already knew the answer. They were both silent for a few moments. She knew that Wash was trying to give her space, he didn't want to push. He was so good to her; sometimes she wondered if she deserved him.

Wash tugged on her hand and stood up, "Come on." Zoë got up and followed him. He lead her to the bridge and sat down in his seat. He tugged on her hand again and she sat down in his lap. Wash gently ran his hands through her hair, trying to help her to relax. "Nothing bad can reach you here. You look at those stars...can't help but let their peace become yours."

Zoë snuggled up against him, and was silent for a few moments. Finally, she spoke, "A man...begging for his life. Alliance man. Killed so many that day...he didn't look any different from the rest. Most of the men I killed never begged, never got a chance to. But this man was different. He made me hesitate. He spoke of his wife and his kids. He begged me to let him go, to give them the chance to see him again. Could've been lying I guess, trying to save himself. But there was something in his eyes...fear, I guess. I realized it wasn't for his life...it was for them. He didn't want to leave them behind. And I slit his throat."

Wash was silent. Zoë loved that he just listened, that he didn't make any judgments or pretend to really understand what she had been through during the war. She spoke again, “I’ll never regret fighting for what I believe in. It needed to be done, and I’d do it again. But I can’t help but think about the families I destroyed, taking away brothers, fathers, mothers, children... Do I deserve to have what I’ve taken away from so many?”

Wash whispered, “Don’t talk like that.”

“I just don’t think...”

He interrupted Zoë, “No, baby. You’re a great person with a great heart. You do what you have to do--it’s necessity. You think I don’t worry about how my job affects people? Sure, I’m the best pilot in the ‘verse, but I make mistakes. I’ve got a whole crew to account for. There’ve been times when I’ve come in too late for the pick-up, and you or Mal have had an extra wound because of me. Okay, happened with Jayne a few times, too, but I didn’t really care.” Zoë smiled. “Point is, we do what we do and then move forward. We do our best, and that’s all we can do.” Wash paused and then whispered in her ear, “Think of how many Browncoats you saved that day.”

A small smile came over Zoë’s face. She kissed Wash gently and whispered back, “Thank you.” She snuggled up against him even more...

***********


Zoë and Wash headed back to their bunk after Nandi’s funeral. Neither of them said anything as they got ready for bed. Finally, as Zoë sat down on the bed, she broke the silence, “We gonna finish our conversation from before?”

Wash climbed into bed next to her, “I thought we did.”

She shook her head, “Conversation ain’t over till we solve the problem.”

He sighed, “What problem, bao-bay? I think we both know having a baby right now is impossible.”

“No, we both don’t know that. Now is as good of a time as any.”

Wash propped himself up against his pillow. “Okay, fine, what about today, Zoë? People were shooting up Serenity and Nandi’s house. Where would we have put the baby? How would we have protected it?”

“Someone of our own flesh and blood? I would’ve found a way.”

“I’m not doubting that, dear. But we’re constantly getting into trouble. I don’t doubt you would protect the baby...you would make a great mom...but some things can’t be controlled. I understand you want this, and so do I. But I don’t want to have this baby...and then lose it.”

Zoë could see how much the idea of losing a child scared Wash. She ran her hands up into his hair and held his head, kissing his forehead.

Wash tipped his head forward so that it touched Zoë's head. "The only thing that scares me more than losing a child is losing you."

"But you have me, don't you? You weren't so scared of losing me that you didn't marry me. You wanted me to be your wife and nothing could stop that. I guess the question is do you want a baby that badly."

Wash moved his head back so that they were staring into each other's eyes. "You know that's not a question you even need to ask. But what about our lives aboard Serenity--are you willing to give all of this up?"

"I grew up on a boat like this, Wash. It's no different than living on a planet. Danger follows you wherever you go. But in Serenity, you've got your family to protect you. Can't ask for anything more."

Wash smiled, "I guess not. Only one more problem."

"What's that?"

"How disappointed are you going to be if this baby comes out looking like its daddy?"

Zoë laughed and then kissed Wash deeply. "I don't think I'd mind..."

***********

Only a few hours until the plan was put into action, until they went up against Reavers and the Alliance and God only knows what else. Zoë found herself running around, trying to make sure all possible weapons were ready and available.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed her arm and lead her into one of the many concealed compartments that made up Serenity. "Wash, what are you doing? We don't have time to..."

Wash spun Zoë around and pressed her up against the wall, kissing her deeply on the lips. "Gotta make time, Zo," he said before kissing her again.

Zoë kissed him back and then gently pushed him away, "Gotta stay focused, husband."

"I am focused. On you."

She shook her head, "I meant focus on the job."

Wash lifted her chin and looked into her eyes, "Don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Shut me out."

Zoë's gaze softened, "Not sure we can win this."

"We can and we will. Because we know what's at stake." Wash enveloped Zoë in a hug. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Zoë whispered. She listened to his heartbeat, breathed in his scent, felt the material that made up his jumpsuit. She wanted to keep this moment, to hold it in her heart forever.

Zoë and Wash started to kiss again, still holding each other. Wash paused and whispered in her ear, "I grew up thinking I loved to fly. I was wrong. I had no idea what love was. You showed me that." She laid her head on his shoulder, unaware of the time that was passing by...

***********

And Zoë was back on Serenity, watching the man she loved slip away from her. She closed her eyes, praying that time would remain still forever, hoping that she could live on in her memories. She didn't want to continue without him. She didn't want to continue. But her prayers went unanswered as time crashed back into being and the Captain knocked her to the ground, another spear hurtling through the air...

A fic I wrote for notinmykettle from me, her secret santa :)




And he was flying, from the land out into the black. The stars twinkled as he passed them by. Nothing could touch him out here. He was safe, surrounded by his wife and his friends (and Jayne). The excitement within him swelled as he pushed Serenity to go faster and faster. He was the king of the ‘verse.

And then he felt the pain of electricity coursing through his body, two electrodes now stuck to his chest. Where was he? Serenity was gone now, replaced by Niska and his cold, beady eyes.

No, this wasn’t happening again. He saw Zoё enter the room, coming to free him again. No. No, he lived through this already. Wasn’t once enough? He watched helplessly as Zoё made the deal with Niska. He was freed and shortly after the screams of Mal were echoing through his mind. No…

“No!!!” Wash yelled as he sat up in his bed. Zoё sat up, her eyes wide with worry as she placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Wash? What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing. Everything’s fine, lamby-toes,” he said, trying to sound like his normal cheery self.

“Wasn’t nothin’, husband. Did you have another nightmare?”

“All right, you got me. I gotta stop playing with my dinosaurs before bed; have dreams about getting eaten by a T-Rex every time,” Wash joked as he climbed out of bed and threw on an undershirt and pajama pants. Before Zoё could say anything, he was already climbing the ladder up and out of their bunk.

Wash walked to the cockpit and sat down in his chair. He stared out at the stars silently. He heard footsteps behind him and automatically started to say, “I’m okay, Zo, really, go back to sleep…” He turned around to see that it wasn’t Zoё but River who had come up behind him. “Oh, River, I’m sorry. I thought you were…”

“Zoё, I know,” River said as she sat down in the seat next to the pilot’s seat. “You can’t sleep?”

“No. Haven’t been able to for the past week.”

“I know. We both have dreams. Dream of people that have taken parts of us away and have replaced those parts with something we never wanted.”

“Yeah…something like that,” Wash said as he leaned back in his chair. “If what happened at the skyplex has affected me this much…gotta wonder…”

“How many parts of Zoё are missing?” River asked.

“Well…yeah. After everything that happened in the war and then her job now on Serenity... The position I was in with Niska is a position she’s been in dozens of times.”

“And that scares you,” River said, saying it as a statement rather than a question.

“Yeah; but it shouldn’t.”

“No ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’. It is what it is."

“I never understood before. How many nightmares has Zoё hidden from me? How many times have I watched her hurry out of the bunk in the middle of the night?” Wash couldn’t believe what was coming out of his mouth. He normally wouldn’t talk about this with anyone. Weird thing was, seemed like River already knew what he was thinking.

“You couldn’t understand before. Now you realize that the darkness makes a home inside of you and then eats away at your every thought. Chewing. Munching. Until it eats you whole.”

“Creepy thing is, I understand exactly what you just said.”

“You see her differently now,” River said, ignoring Wash’s remark.

“Yes. But not in a bad way. I always thought Zoё was strong; I knew about her hard past. But now I understand it and I realize that she’s even stronger than I could’ve imagined.”

“She amazes you,” River said, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“Yeah, that she does.”

“But you’re still worried about the parts that are missing, filled up by darkness.” River didn’t wait for him to reply. “She likes you because you fill her up with light. And you’ll realize that she does the same thing for you when you need her to.” River got up and walked back to her room, her bare feet seeming as if they barely touched the ground.

Wash turned back to look out into space again. Despite River’s confusing way of talking, she made some good points. Didn’t even get a chance to thank her. But did it really matter? She probably knew already anyway.

Wash stood up and headed back to his bunk. He climbed down the ladder and then crawled back into bed with his wife. Zoё stirred lightly.

“Wash? Are you feeling better now?” She turned over to face him tiredly, her eyes small slits.

“Yeah, I’m fine now, baby. Go back to sleep.”

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“Already did,” Wash said, more to himself than to Zoё.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing. Baby…I ever tell you how much you amaze me?”

Zoё chuckled lightly, “You drunk, husband?”

“No more than usual,” Wash said grinning. He cuddled up next to Zoё and kissed her on the forehead. “I love you, Zo.”

“I love you, too.”

Wash slept peacefully the rest of the night, his wife in his arms.

This is my post-Serenity fanfic "Support" about Zoë and Wash. Hope everyone enjoys it! :)


Zoë lay in their bed staring up at the ceiling of their quarters. It had been one month, one entire month without him. While it had been unbearable, she had showed no signs of her inner grieving to the rest of the crew. She had always dealt with life's issues on her own; at least, until Wash had come along.

She could recall many a time when Wash had sat with her while one wound or another was bein' patched up. She had never asked him to, but he was always there for her. Nightmares of the war had also plagued her at times. And Wash would be there for her. He didn't ask any questions, he would just hold her. He didn't know this, but he had been her support. He had kept her standing. And now she was faltering.

Zoë forced herself out of her bed and started to get dressed. She left her curly hair down and slipped on a navy blue dress. She had never quite liked this dress, but Wash had told her, "Sometimes, you don't need to fight, Zo. Sometimes you just need to enjoy yourself." Zoë still didn't get it; you couldn't kick ass in a dress.

As she was walking across the room to the attached bathroom, her eyes landed on a picture on the dresser. It was a picture Kaylee had taken on Persephone one night. In it, Wash was holding Zoë and both of them had big grins on their faces. The look in Wash's eyes...she could see the love he had for her just in his eyes.

Zoë choked back a sob. "Bao bay..." She picked up the picture, her hands shaking. "I never got attached to people, Wash. People 'round me died and all I could do was watch. You were supposed to be different. My constant. Now what am I supposed to do?" She was silent for a moment before speaking again, "I'm dying inside." The picture fell to the floor, the glass frame shattering.

**********


The infirmary lights bounced off of the glass vial as River picked it up. "You were supposed to be different. My constant. Now what am I supposed to do?" She started to cry. "I'm dying inside." She dropped the glass vial to the floor and it shattered.

Simon watched her helplessly. River had been so much better since the Reaver attack, but she still had moments where she was...overcome with emotion. He approached her slowly, "River...?"

River suddenly snapped out of her trance. "Simon? You have to help her. She's hurt!"

"Who? Who's hurt?"

River's lips quivered as she spoke, "Zoë." Simon grabbed his med kit and ran out of the infirmary, the glass crunching underneath his shoes.

He arrived in the hallway of the crew's quarters and called out, "Zoë?" There was no response so he took the ladder down to her room. As he stepped off the last rung of the ladder, he saw Zoë kneeling over a pile of glass. He rushed over to her, checking her for cuts.

Zoë looked at him like had grown a second head. "What are you doing?" Zoë asked.

"I thought that...you aren't hurt?"

"No...what's going on, Simon?"

"Nothing. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'll just...go now." Simon, still utterly confused went back up the ladder and into the hallway. He stood there for a moment, trying to understand why River sent him to check on Zoë. And then it all started to make sense.

Simon's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Mal's boots as he entered the hallway. Mal saw the med kit in Simon's hands and asked, "Someone hurt?"

"Yes."

"And...?"

"And...there's nothing I can do about it." Simon headed back to the infirmary.

Mal stood there, completely lost. "What in the hell just happened?"

***********

Zoë landed the shuttle and stepped outside. She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in the salty air. A satin blanket in her hands, she walked the sandy beach alone. Finding a perfect spot, she laid the blanket out and sat down. She took a few minutes to stare at the horizon, the sun just beginning to set. She looked across the blanket and there he was, content as ever.

"You're not really here, ya know," she stated calmly. Wash grinned his normal goofy grin, his Hawaiian shirt rumpled and untucked.

"To you I am. Isn't that all that matters?"

"I have to learn to live without you and you're not making it any easier."

"Zo, you'll never be without me."

Zoë felt tears well up in her eyes, but she forced them back down. "I have a hard time believing that. Even right now, I'm without you. I'm talking to myself."

Wash brushed a stray curl away from her face. "You know that if I could, I would tell you that's crap, lamby-toes. Just because you can't see me doesn't mean I'm not here." Wash gave her a wry smile. "You know I never pass up a chance to see you in that dress."

Zoë couldn't help but smile as he said this. She leaned up against him, letting him support her.

"I love you, Zoë. And I'm not going anywhere. It's just like it's always been: you can't get rid of me."

Zoë laughed at first, but her laughter quickly turned to tears. "Wash, I'm so sorry, baby. I should've tried harder to save you. I shouldn't have left you behind..."

"Shh, shh. There was nothing you could do. It all happened so fast...But, I wasn't scared, you wanna know why? The last thing I saw before I died was your face; your beautiful face. And I was okay."

Zoë now let all of the emotions that she had kept bottled up tumble out of her. She laid there on the beach, crying in her lover's arms. A lover no one else could see.

*************

Zoë landed the shuttle and then boarded Serenity once again. As she walked to her and Wash's quarters, she heard footsteps behind her. She started to answer as she turned around, knowing exactly who it was. "Yes, sir?"

Mal gave her a small smile, almost as if they had just shared an inside joke. "Just got a wave from Badger. Seems he's got a job lined up for us. You up for doin' a job and hopefully gettin' paid?"

Zoë gave him a small smile back. "Believe it when I see it, sir."

"Should arrive in about six hours."

"Yes, sir." Zoë turned to walk away.

"Zoë?"

"Yes, sir?"

Mal paused for a moment, as if he was unsure of what to say next. "..Happy Anniversary."

"Thank you, sir." Zoë entered the hallway of the crew's quarters thinking Wash had made it just that: a happy anniversary.

Just a Zoe-based fanfic I wrote, with very much Zoe/Wash intentions. There are Serenity spoilers involved...

 

Another day, another job. Malcolm Reynolds wiped the sweat from his brow as he stood under the blaring sun. Where in the hell were they? He had, along with Zoe and Jayne, been waiting for someone to come and make the pick-up on these goods for almost an hour. Only so long before a man gets a mite impatient.

Suddenly he saw three men approaching. Finally. Now they all needed was to make the exchange and he could buy Serenity some new parts. Mal glanced over at Zoe, a look of stone on her face. That look had been firmly planted for months. Wasn't sure what he expected out of her. 'Guess something resembling grief, something that said she was hurtin' inside. Zoe never showed that. Mal then looked at Jayne. Nothing to say about him; he just had a dumbass look on his face. Mal spoke to them both, "Okay, let's finish the job and get off this rock."

As the three men came within range, they pulled out their guns. Mal's eyes widened, "Tah mah duh hwoon dahn..." He pulled out his own gun and returned fire, hearing Zoe and Jayne doing the same. How did this job just go south? Mal heard Zoe mutter, "We were played from the start, S---" Before she could finish the world 'sir', a bullet struck her in the chest. Mal yelled out, "Zoe!" A shot just barely missed him and he shot back, anger fillin' him up.
----------------------------------------------------

Zoe felt an explosion of pain in her chest. She hit the ground hard, already starting to taste blood in her mouth. She heard a few more rounds go off and then Mal was running over to her. She felt his hand elevate her head. She heard him say something about it being a 'nothing wound' as Jayne ran over, screaming into his comm set about the 'damn doctor'.

Zoe looked down. There it was: a bullet had hit her right in the chest. As she blinked, visions of Wash raced through her mind. She kept seeing him on Miranda, the wooden pike impaling him in his heart. And now her heart was bleeding, too. Or maybe it had been ever since he died...and it had never stopped. As blood poured out of her wound, she started to get tired. The last thing she saw before she closed her eyes was Simon rushing out of Serenity with his med-kit, Kaylee right behind him with tears in her eyes.

She should be fighting this, right? She was the warrior woman, the fighter. But something about her didn't want to fight this. The past few months had been endless and hollow. Part of her had been buried in the ground. You can't live with half of you missing. The half that cracked bad jokes, played with plastic dinosaurs, wore horrible Hawaiian shirts....she needed that half.

She felt Mal slip his hand into hers, squeezing it, as if to tell her not to give up. But they both knew it was hopeless. The wound was too deep. Both wounds were too deep. It was only a matter of time, and time had caught up with her. As she lay there on the sandy ground, she could almost feel him. Smell him. He was there right now. She whispered, "Wash..." She wanted to tell him how much she had missed him, to beg him for forgiveness for not saving him...

She heard a faint whisper, almost like the wind, that said, "It's okay, baby. Let it happen. I'll see you soon." And then her hand slipped from Mal's. Her last words were, "My turn..."

1.First Time- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/138384.html#cutid1

2.Angst- http://www.flower-and-leaf.com/viewstory.php?sid=24

3.Fluff- http://www.fireflyfans.net/sunroomitem.asp?i=2839

4.Anger- http://www.livejournal.com/community/zoe_wash/30025.html#cutid1

5.Sex- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/97791.html#cutid1

6.Love- http://www.flower-and-leaf.com/viewstory.php?sid=17

7.Friendship- http://www.livejournal.com/community/zoe_wash/31922.html#cutid1

8.Hurt/Comfort- http://www.livejournal.com/users/erin_giles/61461.html#cutid1

9.Character Study- http://www.livejournal.com/community/zoe_wash/20256.html#cutid1

10.Reccer's Choice- http://www.fireflyfans.net/sunroomitem.asp?i=4754

11.Humor- http://www.livejournal.com/community/zoe_wash/29949.html#cutid1

12.Established Relationship- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/44728.html

13.Loss- http://www.livejournal.com/users/poisontaster/66206.html

14.Teamwork- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/179941.html#cutid1

15.Jealousy- http://www.flower-and-leaf.com/viewstory.php?sid=8

16.Light- http://www.livejournal.com/community/zoe_wash/16282.html#cutid1

17.Dark- http://firefly.populli.org/archive/10/absenceof.shtml

18.Epiphany- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/128017.html

19.Time- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/53462.html

20.Reccer's Choice- http://www.livejournal.com/users/roysbrat/1787.html

21.Future Fic- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/107025.html

22.Death- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2610255/1/

23.Original Character- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/178368.html#cutid1

24.Dream- http://www.livejournal.com/users/daisys_fandom/2459.html

25.Weapons- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/123224.html#cutid1

26.Seduction- http://www.flower-and-leaf.com/viewstory.php?sid=15

27.Discovery- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/94748.html

28.Vacation- http://www.flower-and-leaf.com/viewstory.php?sid=5

29.Family- http://www.livejournal.com/users/erin_giles/63489.html#cutid1

30.Reccer's Choice- http://www.livejournal.com/community/zoe_wash/37651.html#cutid1

31.Make-up- http://www.fireflyfans.net/sunroomitem.asp?i=1060

32.Betrayal- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/55734.html

33.Confession- http://www.fireflyfans.net/sunroomitem.asp?i=4134

34.Redemption- http://www.flower-and-leaf.com/viewstory.php?sid=21

35.Holiday- http://www.livejournal.com/users/jaded_skys/232564.html

36.Denial- http://www.flower-and-leaf.com/viewstory.php?sid=26

37.Mask- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_fanfic/81260.html#cutid1

38.Trapped- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/54144.html#cutid1

39.Alternate Universe http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_fanfic/95720.html#cutid1

40.Reccer's Choice- http://www.livejournal.com/community/ff_friday/233331.html#cutid1